Experiments in Love – Listening from the Heart

by Micah Mortali

Some people listen; others wait to speak.  We tend to think good listeners are born that way. But conscious listening, the willingness to listen fully with an open heart, can be a learned practice. To start, it helps to notice how you respond to conversations, which tends to be in one of three ways:

Subjectively: “Oh, the same thing happened to me!” (I’m more interested in myself.)

Objectively: “That’s nice. (I’m listening but not too deeply.)

Intuitively:” I hear you. What else do you want to say about that?” The intuitive listener notices body language and tone of voice and responds accordingly. This is often easier said than done, particularly when faced with charged conversations.

Try practicing the following, especially when it’s difficult.  Allow the other person to speak without interruption.  Notice if you’re formulating a response while listening rather than just being present.  Resist the urge to offer advice unless asked.  Experiment with mirroring, or reflecting back what you heard. (“What I’m hearing is ….. Did I get that?”) Mirroring build trust by showing the speaker that you are listening.  It also gives you, the listener, insight into your ability to hold space. These techniques may feel forced at first, but conscious listening is a practice. As with any new skill, it gets easier.  It can become an habitual way of responding.

Micah Mortali teaches yoga programmes at Kripalu and lives in the Bershires with his wife and children.